How to Stop Repeating Relationship Mistakes

Britain has the highest divorce rate in Europe.   The most common reasons cited include infidelity, lack of commitment, unrealistic expectations and lack of equality.  If you have noticed patterns in attracting the ‘wrong’ kind of partner in the past and want to stop repeating the same relationship mistakes follow my top three tips on overcoming common cheating and commitment concerns.

1. Your ex cheated on you

If your ex cheated on you and you want to avoid a similar scenario occurring again, take an honest look at what was happening in your relationship before he strayed.

Were there any clues that could have helped you predict or prevent him from wandering elsewhere? Did his attention appear to be preoccupied?  Did he often forget to call / meet / do something he said he’d do?  Was he on the rebound?  These are often surefire signs that he is just not that in to you.

Sometimes certain relationships just aren’t meant to be.  The important thing is not to blame yourself for what happened but be smart about what you can change to help yourself attract the right man for you in the future.  Make a promise to yourself to trust your gut instincts when choosing your next boyfriend.  If you pick up on feelings that remind you of your cheating ex, pay close attention to them.  Go for someone who genuinely seems to appreciate and be attracted to you for you and who compliments you on your personality not just your appearance.

2.Your man cheated on his ex

Just because your man cheated on his ex does not mean that he is automatically going to do the same to you. However, it does mean there is an increased likelihood – especially if it is something he admits to doing with more than one previous partner.  The key is to encourage open communication in your relationship and ask him to let you know first if he is ever feeling unfulfilled, bored or frustrated, so that the two of you can work things out together.

For him to feel comfortable to do this you need to help him feel safe to open up and share his feelings with you.  This means really listening to what he has to say and not running gossiping to your friends afterwards.  There can be deep-rooted reasons for cheating that are linked to childhood insecurities, fears and failures.  If you can help him overcome old wounds then together you can build a loving monogamous relationship.

3. He’s never committed to anyone before

If your fella has never committed to anyone before and you are fearful that because of this he won’t want to settle down with you then go easy on him.  Trying to put pressure on him will only push him further away.  There may be many reasons why he hasn’t committed in the past, but these don’t mean he won’t eventually commit to you.

Before meeting you he may have simply enjoyed the freedom of not being tied down to one person.  He may still be afraid of committing if he is averse to taking risks and be holding out until he can be more certain that you are worth giving up the time and energy he usually enjoys spending on other things.  If, at the end of the day, you are ready for something that he is simply not yet mature enough for then you need to make a decision whether you like him enough to hold on, or if it is time to move on.

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